Are age gap relationships real

Are age gap relationships real

Dan: [00:00:00] So this is Dan of Vagabond Awake. This is Qiang of Hobo Venture, and we’re happy to have you here on the channel today. And today we’d like to talk about is your age gap relationship real.

This is a machine translation of the above video.

Qiang: How real?

Dan: We’re not really experts on this topic, but yeah, we’re gonna teach you what we know about it just from experience.

Qiang: So we’re just sharing our experience.

Yeah, so we have like, Eight topics

Dan: we’re gonna cover here and I want to make sure we cover them all. So once in a while, I’m gonna look down at my computer. Forgive me. So we wanna start just sort of with our story. It’s not either one of our first age-gap relationships.

Qiang: Yeah. So I’ve been through at least it’s not a relationship, I would say.

I would say I saw the guy that’s all dating. Not dating as well. No dating allowed. No dating, I was sure that

I met Dan, I also, in what you call guy called [00:01:00] a normal relationship, which is I dated people who are almost my age of just few years, like five years, six years older than me, and then some that were in my mid-twenties, you know, Or 20 years or something like that.

But I feel that the guy in the same age is not really stable. They want to play, but they still want to export to the world. Yeah. Yeah. And after that, I broke up for my first relationship. I jumped to Tinder. Right. Then my friend pushed me for two years. I said, okay, finally, I, okay, I will try. Because I have seen him finding a lot of love, right?

In a Tinder. Yeah. I say, okay, I’m going to do, so I start to find and seeing some guy, which is about like 10 years or older than me, right. And between, they have like two, three years old as well. And yeah, as usual, they are not really settled down yet. They still want to explore the world, you know, still.

Very [00:02:00] new the world. Yeah. And then I would jump to like 40 years old, 45 years old, you know, that when I was like 26, 27. Right. Well almost the same thing because they are not really stable yet. The the job is not stable yet, so they travel around and they don’t know what they want yet, some of them, and we don’t have a common goal or something.

Yeah. And they’re like, wow, maybe I tried to take someone who’s over 50. Yeah. And then yes I am. And then I jumped through, and then I met someone is over 50. I have two. I met two guys over 50, and it is more nicer. We have better conversations. We able to talk, you know, to share, to talk, and it’s nice.

But you know, it’s not all the. Men who are over 50 is good guy because they also is a play guy. Also play Playboy or something, play old boy [00:03:00] and, and then so like, well, you know, and then for me, I started it is like, no, I think I need to find someone who I can be taught for forever. And I met Dan. And we can talk for forever.

Even until right now, we still have a topic that we can talk for. Hour, two hour, three, hour, you know? Yeah. That’s nice. That’s that. I found that some, it’s not a matter, it’s about. How you connect with each other. This my story. Right? Thank you.

Dan: So after my divorce, I think I divorced her 41 maybe. And I dated mostly younger.

And I, I dated one woman that was, I think I was 40 and she was 44. We had a lot of fun and stuff, but. It just didn’t work out long term, but mostly I was dating women that were about 30, so they were 10 years younger than me.

Qiang: I always joke that the woman that you date cannot [00:04:00] over 35 years old. Yeah.

Dan: You joke about that a lot.

So when she hit 35, she’s like, well, you gotta dump me now and go find a younger one.

Qiang: Hey, we haven’t tell them about our age difference.

Dan: Oh, that’s right. So I’m from the us. I’m 62 years old and I’m from Malaysia. I’m 37. I supposed to be 38 years old, but my boyfriend say, Sorry, my partner keeps saying I’m 37 because I haven’t passed my birthday yet.

Yeah. Her birthday’s not till November, so she’s 37. But we met when seven years ago. So you would’ve been about 30, huh? About that? Yeah. Yeah. And I would’ve been 55 ish. Well, we met in yeah, well, that’s close enough. Yes. So and so I guess that same pattern was happening. So, so from the time of my divorce until I left the US in 2007, I dated Mostly starting around 30 and, and one, some would last a few months, some would last, you know, whatever.

Qiang: And they’re very beautiful. [00:05:00] I can tell. It’s very beautiful guy.

Dan: Yeah, some would last a little longer. And then when I moved to India, I moved with a girlfriend and she, her and I traveled together for about five years. And that was probably from maybe 46 to 51. And then I was single for a few years on and off.

And and then I dated one that was much younger. First time I dated someone, that was 26 when I was, I guess I would’ve been maybe 52 or something like that. So that was the longest age crop. Until, until I met Charm in Malaysia in 2016. And so and we’ve been dating ever since, since 2023 now.

So we did, we dated for about a year before we started traveling together, and now we, we’ve been traveling together for about six years, so that’s our story. Yes. And so we’re. We have some familiarity with age gap relationships, and we’ve seen a lot of ’em since we moved here in in you see more of them maybe around Asia.

You [00:06:00] also see them in other parts of the world, but we seem to see more of them in Asia than we do in other parts of the world. We go. That’s true. That’s true. Yeah. And we want to talk about one thing first is that we’re talking about age gap relationships. We’re not talking about adults dating children to was both of us.

That’s off guard. I mean, if somebody’s not of age we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about consenting adults. So that, with that limitation, so. So the title of this is, is Your Age Gap Relationship Real? And so we want to cover that. And then I also also have some other things that we want to, that I want to talk about that I’ve noticed.

And so we have a, a, a, a list of a few things that we came up with that that are kind of hints that maybe are, it’s not authentic. It doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t eventually become authentic, but if this is happening and it continues to happen certainly early on in a relationship, then the motivations are probably not really about a relationship, it’s more about maybe money or [00:07:00] sex or something else, so, mm-hmm.

So Chung came up with this one. If the, If the woman’s always asking for money.

Qiang: Yes, because I hear a lot of stories, you know, when I’m meeting friends and they tell me their story, they’re European. Okay. And they have dating and some example, once we are friends that’s went to Thailand, seeing some girl, a girl bring down to the.

Mall went to Thailand and spent a bunch of money because the lady bring him to the mall. And also I hear a lot, some of the, sorry, from my friends, they are dating a girl.

Dan: And then if you would like to learn how I fired my boss and traveled the world for 16 years and how I pay for things. Grab a free copy of my ebook.

Qiang: They’re gonna say like, when’s a nice day that, let’s go to the mall. Just, just go around to have some ac, and then they go to the mall and they put, oh, my house need this. And then he have to pay [00:08:00] the food blender for two, 3000, ringed, about six, $700. Oh, wow. That’s an expensive blender. Yeah. Then I asked my friend, Hey, Are you free?

Let’s go to the mall. I think Maha needs something. Oh, was your friend that bought this girl the blender? Yeah, because that I met him also in Tinder, but we are more like a happy hour drinking body. Right. You weren’t romantic. Weren’t romantic. Sometimes, you know, I meet people in the Tinder. It is not for.

To find relationship. Yeah. Yeah. A meeting in the tin is looking for someone to be chat to, you know, share time, hang out with you.

Dan: You never really know, you know, if you’re interested to meet anyway, so, yeah. Yeah. It’s okay to meet people.

Qiang: So I, the teammates always just meet for the after work. And not in the, in the war time because our time is very flexible.

So meet for the happy hour, we talk, which we make fun. We hear, Hey, what’s your story today? What you, have you met any girl recently? You know, it’s very [00:09:00] fun just talking and finishing and go home. You go home.

Dan: So was that. Did you introduce him to that girl or did she No, no, no. That’s just a story you told me.

Qiang: One of his story told me. That’s, that’s funny.

Dan: The other one that Chung came up with is moving in together too soon. Like it’s one of your stories. Right. Someone that offered you a key right away. Like

Qiang: Oh, moving too. I was saying that it’s like if you dating someone Right, and then she or he, because I have story about she and he also, yeah.

Say that you know, like, we want to move in with you too soon. Yeah. You have to be, you know, be careful, but also it is one of the term that maybe you can try better how you can get along with this person. Yeah. As well. You know?

Dan: Sure. You should spend a lot of time together before you get serious in a relationship.

Yeah. But, Not right away. I mean, to me there’s like a dance of dating and getting to know each other before you move in together.

Qiang: Yeah, I, I would see everything is too [00:10:00] soon moving together and I don’t feel comfortable if I invite someone to my place also. Yeah, right. Yeah. So yeah, I, I, I seen some guy, like, I met them like two, three times and then they’re just handing me their house key and the car as well and say, I’m going to oversee this weekend.

You can come over. Over to my place and I drive their car. I do drive their car and bring my friend to his place and have some fun. I mean, my girlfriend, I mean that we just like drinking and you know, and talking and watching movie, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But after that, I return the kiss and normal because I’m not.

Into the relationship so fast, you know? Yeah. I just, it takes time. I, I would like to know people longer. Right. Coming out, chill, talking, right? Yeah.

Dan: Well, I think on the, the shoes on the other foot, if if a, what’s more common is a, a woman who is asking for a key to your apartment right away before you’re comfortable and you’re just getting [00:11:00] to know them or something.

I think that’s odd and it might. Be that she just, you know, she needs shelter, a place to live. I would be worried about, you know, like, does she have a home to go back to? Yeah. You know, when you first meet someone, you don’t really know what’s up, you know,

Qiang: but I, I was very scared. Someone, like, I met them for two, three times, then they handing me the house key.

Dan: Yeah. It’s odd. I think it’s odd too.

Qiang: I think like, okay. First thing I want to know is you, how have C C T V hidden C C T V or not? Maybe you’re trying to film some girl or something, you know? That’s scary when someone handing me the key. Yeah. I say no. No. It’s, it’s odd. It’s odd.

Dan: Yeah. So if someone’s giving you the key too soon or they’re asking for it, that’s kind of odd.

Bring you, bring you to the shopping mall. Same thing. Right?

Qiang: Same thing. And the next thing is always the same story I hear over the time, you know? Yeah. That my family have problem. Oh yeah. I need money for my family operations. [00:12:00] Operation. Grandma’s sick.

Dan: Grandma’s sick, baby, sick. They need baby milk. Some of those stories are true, sadly.

Yeah. But I think it’s it’s definitely a red flag. You know, if you have the money and, and you know, you trust the person, which is, trust is kind of an odd word when you just met somebody. Right. It takes time. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, I’m not saying don’t help people, you know. Right. But, But it’s odd that it’s happening so soon.

It is happening like in between three

Qiang: months to six months. I would say it’s very soon for that because that’s why you always say that. Are you dating this guy? You, you know, is that your boyfriend? I would say no, because it’s a guy that I didn’t see more than three months that is not cloud dating.

Yeah, it have to be three months to six months. And I have preparations that I see whether he’s good enough to be my boyfriend or not. So, Yeah, most of the time I would say I’m seeing this guy, but I’m not dating him. I’m not doing that because I need to see, as, you know, the relationship has going on. [00:13:00] Yeah.


Dan: so what you’re saying at six months, you call him a boyfriend?

Qiang: Yeah. I never have a boyfriend in my life. You and my last. One.

Dan: So another thing we notice sometimes with these, with these age difference relationship, and this could actually be true mm-hmm. In a regular relationship. Oh yeah. But we seem to see it more in Southeast Asia, Asia than other parts of the world where both parties are like, they’re together at a table, but they’re both looking at their phones.

And I just wonder if they have nothing to talk about. Like they have nothing in common. There’s not like a, there’s no real communication going on. Right.

Qiang: Are you feel lucky? Are you or you feel annoying? I always keep talking with you.

Dan: Well, sometimes I’m very lucky. Other times I’m annoying when I’m in the middle of reading something on my phone.

Qiang: We have a, we have a deal when we go out to have food to have a dinner or something. Yeah, there’s no food. On the hand, [00:14:00] unless you need to find something that we need to go book a ride. Yeah. Check on the next play. We want to go, how to go. Yeah. That kind of stuff. Yeah.

Dan: Yeah. It’s, yeah. When you’re out together, you should enjoy each other’s company.

I think that’s a sign of you can communicate, obviously, if you have nothing in common, you have maybe even have a language barrier and you’re not even trying to communicate. It’s probably not a, it’s not an authentic, it’s not an authentic, normal relationship. I’ll talk about. After Chum I chat for men.

I’ll talk about some reasons why I think it happens in some parts of the world more than others, where they’re not by Western standards, they’re not considered authentic relationships, but why people get into them and stay in them. I, I’ll have more to say on that for a minute, but yeah, the other thing I noticed is, Like some, and you see this in authentic relationships too, eye-rolling, where one person’s talking in the relationship and the other person’s all, excuse me, I think I do it quite some time.

I don’t see you eye-rolling much. Really? [00:15:00] But no, I think eye-rolling is like a sign of like how disrespect, oh. Like when someone’s talking and they’re like, Oh God, they’re saying that again or, oh, you know how like teenagers do when their dad’s like telling a, the dumb joke they’ve told a hundred times before and the dad’s all, and the teenagers, all that kind of stuff.

I see. It’s just like a sign of disrespect, I think. Just generally not listening. Like if some, if you’re in a conversation with someone and they just, in the middle of some, some story you’re telling or something you’re talking about, they just interrupt you and change the subject or say, you know, I think there’s, there’s a general.

Sort of interest that one has in another that’s like an authentic, respectful relationship that, that is missing. I think in, in, in authentic relationships. And it can also just be that they’re angry at each other. I mean, couples fight. There’s a lot of reasons stuff like that happens. It can also be in an authentic relationship.

But, so these are just red flags. They’re not conclusory and I don’t think anybody outside your relationship. Could tell you whether your [00:16:00] relationship’s real or not. Yeah, I think that’s something you only know, you and your partner, you and both of you may know it separately. Like one of you might feel like you’re an authentic relationship.

The other one may not. And so that’s maybe what the red flags are is kind of giving you a hint that. You know that, that it’s not mutual maybe So so those are some of the things we’ve noticed. So yeah.

Qiang: But that’s true that I have to be saying again, that all the thing that we say, yeah, it’s not how to say that It’s not, they’re not conclusory, they’re just evidence.

Dan: There’s is something they’re just like, Flag. Red flags. Red flags that you can look at maybe,

Qiang: you know, when you go through the rest flag and then you still got a very happy ending happy relationship. We’ll, no, you know. Yeah, exactly. It’s just some idea about that one.

Dan: Yeah, exactly. So those are some of the, some of the red flags to see

if whether or not you’re in a authentic relationship.

I’m sure many of you watching right now thought 10 more of them if you could put ’em below. Oh yeah. So other people watching the video can have some ideas about it. [00:17:00] And. We’ve noticed that that all over the world when people see a age difference relationship, they assume some things, some stereotypes about the woman or the man.

And it, you know, it depends who’s older, what they’re assuming, whether it’s the man or the woman who’s older like what the intentions are of the younger partner, what the intentions are of the older partner. And so so. You have to deal when you’re in an age different relationship. And some look more obvious than others.

People are looking, staring more like, what the heck is that woman doing with that guy? That kind of thing. And others are not so obvious. I mean, they’re maybe they’re a little closer in age or they’re, both of them have taken care of themselves well, or they’re really enjoying each other. It’s not so obvious.

Oh, some of the women,

Qiang: they they have a. Kind of feeling like they, they more prefer the older who, older men. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. So it’s really, it’s different because it, it’s different and hard to say. It’s like I went to a pedicure this week. Yeah. And then our chatting [00:18:00] with that lady who do my pedicure mecu, and he have, she have a friend who come over to receive her when, right.

He, she’s doing my medical and then we chat a little bit and that man is American, she told me. And he’s retired, right? And and also that I say, oh, how you met this guy? He say, she say, oh, in Tinder. I say, oh, I also met my partner in Tinder. We’ve been together for six, seven years already. Yeah. I say, oh yeah, I say What about, she was saying that she have a relationship before with the Filipino and so they are almost the same age, I guess, you know, she didn’t talk too much, but she say that she is working here and then the guy is in Manila.

They have a long, really long distance relationship. Yeah. For six year and then the guy is cheat on her. Yeah. That’s so sad. Six year.

Dan: It’s hard to maintain a long distance relationship for six years. I, I don’t know how [00:19:00] people do it. It’s

Qiang: and the guy cheat on her, so now she just want to enjoy the life Yeah.

Meeting more friends. Right. But not jump to the relationship. Yeah. Take her time. Take her time. And she is independent. She earn her money, you know, and everything. Right, right. So I really wish her good luck and she’s very sweet girl.

Dan: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So So there’s other stories we hear all the time.

You’ll hear about how you know, one person beats the other, is rude to them, or, you know, you hear all different kinds of stuff. But whenever we hear those stories, I always think, wait a second, I’ve heard about all that same stuff in the same age. Relationships true or, you know, close in age relationships.

And so, I don’t know that there’s, you know, the, and I think this applies to how do you know if you’re in a real relationship also all of the things that that would make you think your partner’s really not authentically interested in you. They all apply to, to. Same age relationships as they do to age gap relationships.

[00:20:00] So, sure. It’s the same sort of red flags, like, you know, if you’re you know, if your significant other is showing signs that they’re really into you or they’re kind of indifferent, you know, it’s just those are kind of what, what it’s about. You know, are they just kind of hanging around because, you know they have a meal ticket and can get clothes and, you know, whatever their thing is that they’re, or are they, you know, they really enjoy.

Or your company. So I think that’s something you have to keep in mind and whether or not you’re in an aged difference relationship because you know, relationships can, you need to nurture them, take and make sure that you’re, you’re, you know, taking care of each other and that you’re both interested.

Otherwise they’ll just drift away on you. So, sure. So anyway so I have a couple more things I’m gonna cover here, and while I do that, I’m gonna show you video of Chung and I traveling all around the world. On. Okay. I wanted to talk about people in the West talk about a power indifference. How you shouldn’t date someone that’s not [00:21:00] close in age to you because there’s some kind of power difference that keeps one person in control of everything.

So I think, I think that there’s some merit to that thought, but the problem with it is, is that. People that are, if you will, control freaks they don’t need to have money or age or anything else to be a control freak. We’ve all met ’em at all ages. So I think that and the other thing is, is there’s this assumption that money always is in control of of decisions.

I think my insight on that after living both in the east and the West after now 16 years, is that when youth is abundant when youth is abundant, money has more power. Meaning when there’s an oversupply of youth, then you’ll see more age, age difference relationship where you have an older partner with money and a younger partner without, which I’ll talk about more in a minute.

But, but when money is abundant, youth has more power. And we see that, [00:22:00] we see that more often in the west where you know, second and third marriages where there’s Where there’s a multitude of, of partners with more money, whether men or women. And then there’s, there’s younger partners so you have, there’s younger partners that aren’t, are, are not as beautiful.

So there’s more people with money than there is youthful beautiful young partners. So in that case, the, the, the beauty if you will, has more power than the money because they have choices of partners. So So either one can be, either one can be the upper hand of power. You can imagine a beautiful person that you’re in love with.

If you have money your decision make making’s gonna be quite influenced by that. Versus you have a younger person who there’s beautiful young people all around and there’s one or two, only a few fewer people with with money where they be supply and demand just says. That if there’s more demand for something, then there is supply, the, the value of that goes up.

And so that is [00:23:00] true both in the east and the West. And the other thing I wanted to talk about is that there’s this concept that I. That in a, in a younger, older relationship, it’s always in the West. They have this idea that the, that it’s always the youth that’s hurt. Maybe by the way I’m talking about consenting adults.

We already talked about that. I’m talking about it consenting adults. But, but you’ll see in the, in the in the east where there are multiple age gap relationships, you’ll see that it’s not uncommon for. The youth to be taking advantage of the older person with with money. So there’s no patent on that.

You can also see older people taking advantage of the younger people. So that’s more about character, I think, than than an age gap problem. And then finally, I wanted to talk about maybe you remember in school, if you, if you covered it, there was a, a social scientist or psychologist, I believe his name.

His name was math. MAs law’s hierarchy, and it needs, and so there’s basic needs which are like food, [00:24:00] shelter water, clean air being warm at night, having a blanket. You know, just very basic things that, that you have to first handle in life before you can begin to strive for more for higher levels of, of needs which, which are more psychological needs.

Which are love and, and you know, being recognized at work. More ego-based things, psychological things having lots of friends, having nice clothes having a nice car appearing successful, that would be you know, the, that’s above the basic needs. And if you, if you look at what, what what people are looking for both men and women in, in in more advanced cultures, you’ll see that they’re moving up the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and what they list and what they’re looking for a partner.

And so it’s easy for them to judge others and other cultures maybe, that are, that are looking for their basic things, make sure that their family’s fed, and make sure that they have a roof over their head and, and that they, you know, they’re, [00:25:00] they feel safe. These sorts of things are all handled by individuals.

They’re, they’re not looking forward in a relationship. When you go to and then the highest level of, of of needs, you know, once people’s achieved basic and those psychological or external driven ego needs like being appreciated by society or whatever above that is self-actualization where you have.

An internal drive to move towards some needs, whether it’s understanding the meaning of life, the meaning of life, or or looking at a culture as, as a whole and, and, and trying to make it a better place or. When, when you have a drive that’s not for ego, but it’s, it’s more of an internal drive, something that you’re doing for yourself, playing an instrument learning music for music’s sake rather than becoming a rock star or.

A DJ or whatever. Not for the, for the external accolades, but for, for your own satisfaction and self-improvement. That’s self-actualization. You’re moving towards the [00:26:00] top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. And so the, the distribution of needs is different around the world, depending on. Where the overall, the majority of the public is.

And so and so that’s maybe why in some of the, the more developed countries, it’s more, it’s, it’s less common to see age different relationships until, except maybe in movie stars and, you know billionaires and, and that sort of thing. Where, where everyone’s basic needs are taken care of. And they’re able to move on to this, to external accolades having a nice car and clothes and a house and all that.

Then not as many of them are are concerned about basic needs taking care of their family, their parents and that sort of thing. And so that might be why my, what may appear to be a, you know, a motivation that seems insincere. Of having a nice place and being able to take care of your family and being able to get food and and warmth and, and all of your [00:27:00] basic needs satisfied.

Well, that may not seem as desirable to people in the West, but in the east, if you will. It’s a struggle to get to that point where you’re, where you’re looking at the. The psychological needs of Maslow’s hierarchy. So I think that’s part of the, that’s part of the reason you’ll see more aged gap relationships in the East.

And but whether or not they’re authentic, I, I don’t think that’s something that people can, from the outside looking at, they can have opinions about or whatever. But you’ll see all kinds of age gap relationships that that are where the parties are, are actually feel like they’re, if you will, getting.

Value from it. Then it may, it may be part, it may be along all across the hierarchy of needs, whether they’re getting portions of the value from the relationship, whether it’s honest love and, and you know, a good life or or if it’s the opportunity to fill, fulfill some of your ego and external drive, you know, having a nice car and clothes or whatever.

And even in self-actualization. You’ll, I [00:28:00] think you’ll find a distribution of that across all cultures, and a lot of it’s economic and and some of it is cultural and I think it’s, it’s, I don’t know. It’s, but really only, only you’re gonna know whether or not you’re, your relationships feels real to you based on you know, these your own perception of how, whether or not you’re appreciated and.

And whether or not you truly appreciate who you’re in a relationship with, so, and that’s gonna be your call. So anyway, thanks for listening to this. Have a have a great day. As I travel around the world, I write these retired cheap in Paradise Reports. They include links to where we stayed, restaurants, cheap public markets, expensive grocery stores, transportation information, internet speeds, visa information, weather, and other information.

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