Here is how to find love in SE Asia (or anywhere else in the world).
Dream A Future First
Start by imagining your perfect life? What does it look like? How much travel is there or is it more stationary? Do you want kids? Do you want a dog? Let me give you an example.
A dreamed about a life with a beautiful woman that didn’t want or have kids. She would be more interested in seeing the world than nesting in one place. Maybe she would want to spend 3 to 6 months of the year nesting but she would want to see the world the rest of the year. It would not be me making her go, she would want it as much as me. She would be more interested in acquiring experiences than things. She would be a minimalist in that sense. She would be more of a worldly woman, a secular humanist rather than into tradition and religion. She might be interested in the historical contrast of the religions but wouldn’t be drawn to the dogma of any one religion. She might be spiritual but would not promote any specific religion. She might be spiritually conscious, such as in the Buddhist sense, but understood there were conscious people all over the world without regard to any specific religion or belief. I didn’t care what race, nationality, or color skin she had. I greatly preferred that she carry a passport that was welcome all over the world … no visa required in most countries. Then we could wander about on a moment’s notice without applying for visas.
Without dreaming of the future I would never have known when the right person showed up. Of course, this described Qiang. I dreamed her up before I met her. If I had no dreams how would I know when they were coming true? She is all of that plus Malaysia is the best passport in SE Asia other than Singapore. So, how to find love in SE Asia starts with a dream.
Cast A Wide Net
Once you have dreamed up the future, open up all the lanes in the road that allow that dream to flow to you. Some people will say you should only meet people out in public, like markets, bars, or whatever. Some people will say you should only date online where you can read about the person before you learn if they are compatible. Some people will only date people they have met through a friend. Others will only meet people at church or other social gatherings.
I say that you should be open up all avenues for your dreams to flow to you. Just make sure they are avenues that feel natural. Don’t join a church if that is not natural. Just do everything you normally do with casual rather than with focused attention. Just take life easy and view it more like a river that is flowing to you rather than a river you are watching for a specific fish. Don’t look over your actual life’s shoulder for something else you expected it to be. Take life as it comes to you.
You can transform your life by accepting what is so. You persist anything in life that you resist.
Open up all the roads like the Internet, noticing interesting people in public, friends of friends, social activities you normally pursue, etc. Let life come to you. Let it flow.
Now when someone interesting flows into your path, don’t start asking about dating, or are they single, just be friendly and curious. Have normal conversations that relate to the context or flow of the circumstances that brought them into your path. So, keeping all paths open is how to find love in SE Asia. Let love flow into your life.
Have Normal Conversations
When an interesting woman (person) wanders into your life through whatever avenue, just have normal friendly (non-dating) conversations. Even if it is an Internet date, just have normal conversations.
Don’t start asking questions that will help you determine if they would fit into your dream. Just be friendly and curious about them in a non-focused way. Ask questions, smile, and flirt. They will reciprocate if they are available and are mutually curious about you.
|
Too Personal/Focused |
Better/Normal Conversation |
| Hi, how are you? Do you usually shop in this market? | Hi, excuse me? I am new in town … the quality seems good …… are the prices fair in this market? |
| Would you like to meet me for lunch tomorrow? | What are some of the fun things people like to do in this town when they are not working? |
| You are beautiful, would you like to go to dinner tonight? | I am really interested in getting to know the local dishes here. I don’t really know what to eat or how to order Filippino food. Is that something you would be willing to teach me? |
| Do you want to have kids? | Did you grow up in this area? |
| Would you like to go to the beach with me tomorrow? | Are you more of a mountain and waterfall person or more of a beach person? |
If your questions are too focused, they may think you are too needy, pushy, or boring. Don’t hit on a woman. Be more playful. Draw out their personality. People love to talk about themselves. But don’t treat this like a technique. You should really feel they are a person that you are curious about.
If the interest is mutual, they will warm up and move the conversation forward with you. Keep asking questions. Your goal is to learn something from them about this new place, their favorite food, their favorite past time in the city, their favorite restaurant, etc. How to find love in SE Asia starts with a conversation.
Make Multiple Requests
If you are sincerely interested, make multiple requests related to what you learned about them. Let’s say you learned that they like to walk on the waterfront and people-watch in this city that is new to you. Make a request related to that?
Request 1: Would you like to meet for a walk sometime on the waterfront?
Request 2: Today or some other time?
Request 3: Can I call or text to arrange another time?
Let’s say you learned that their favorite local dessert is at some coffee shop?
Request 1: Would you like to meet me there and show me that dessert sometime?
Request 2: Tomorrow at 3 PM?
Request 3: Can I call or text to arrange another time?
How how to find love in SE Asia requires multiple requests.
Live Your Normal Life
Don’t wine and dine. Don’t play big man on campus. If you start that way, you will attract people that think you are Mr./Ms. Money Bags.
Start normal with a pace you can maintain.
Have them teach you about local life where dinners cost $2 to $3 USD. Go on walks, ride bikes, go to museums, parks, beach barbeques. Have picnics. Don’t go to expensive restaurants and drop a bunch of money trying to impress anyone. A sunset with a local beer or wine or a fun snack is romantic enough.
Invite her to your house for dinner. Make her your favorite home country dish. Ask her/him to teach you how to make a local dish. Watch Netflix. Live your normal life so you know if they are interested in normal. If you play a rich foreign person and can’t keep up the spending pace, what is the point? It is better to find out now if normal is fun for both of you.
Stay Away from Professionals
Don’t pay for sex. It is not good for your ego or your health. There is no real connection in transactional sex. But if you can find a beautiful woman that is looking for sincere love. That is way better than paying for sex.
Let things Happen Naturally
Don’t put things on a time table. There is no set time for things to develop naturally. If they are pushing too hard, then your needs are not aligned. If you are pushing too hard, then it may not be a good fit. People don’t walk away from natural mutually satisfying relationships because they are moving along too fast or slow. So just relax and enjoy the natural flow of the relationship. If it is going to blow up, that will happen naturally too if too much force is applied by anyone. If you are meant to be, it will be. Let things happen naturally if you know how to find love in SE Asia.
Stand Up for Yourself
Once in a while, someone will leave a comment on one of my posts like … “Asian’s are just after your money,” “Her whole family will expect you to be the bank,” “You will never get alone time with her, it will always be family,” “the family will expect you to start a business they can all work in,” etc.
To this I say … do you have a mind of your own? If you want to invest in her family, and you can afford to do it without jeopardizing your future, go ahead and do it. Otherwise just set your boundaries.
If you are with someone that insists you invest, and you can’t safely do it, or you don’t want to do it, walk away. You are not a prisoner.
I just don’t understand these men online that cry about buying a new house for someone and then getting mad when the local laws allow the woman to keep the house.
Did they not understand the local laws? Did they not make an informed decision? Why not? Stand up for yourself before the trouble starts. Never walk through a door until you understand where the exits are and what it will cost you. If you can’t afford to give something away, or you don’t want to give it away, then don’t. Be responsible for yourself.
Get your own local lawyer not connected to anyone else and get the advice before you make the decision.