In this report, I share my online dating secrets for the Philippines and SE Asia.
This is my girlfriend Qiang. We met dating online. Would you like to know my online dating secrets? Then keep watching while Qiang and I discuss our tips and tricks of dating online.
I received an email the other day from one of my subscribers, I will call him Brett. He asked the question, “Do you recommend doing background checks on women you meet online in the Philippines to see if they are married before you fly over to meet them?”
After reading Brett’s email, I realized that his strategy is so fundamentally different than mine, that I needed to not only answer his question, but I also needed to share My online dating secrets in the Philippines and SE Asia. So people don’t violate the fundamental secret that you need to know so you don’t push the highest quality people away from you in online dating.
This is Dan of Vagabond Awake, the Youtube Channel for VagabondBuddha.com. I have lived in 67 countries since leaving the United States 15+ years ago. I have over 100 reports that teach people how to retire early cheap in paradise all over the world and how to find love in paradise overseas. All of my reports are on VagabondBuddha.com
My online dating secrets in the Philippines and SE Asia
So, after I wrote down my online dating secrets, I shared them with my girlfriend Qiang who I met online in SE Asia. She agreed to join in on the video and share her online dating tips and ideas as I discussed mine.
The main secret to my online dating technique is something it took me a few years to learn. It took bad experiences with two different women I met online to teach me how to go from being a loser to a winner in online dating.
After Qiang and I discuss our best tips and tricks for online dating that we learned by trial and error while online dating, I will explain my underlying secret that will put you into the correct state of mind so you won’t waste time learning what works the hard way.
And at the end, I will answer Brett’s question about, “whether or not to do a background check before flying somewhere to meet someone.”
Okay here is my process for screening women to know whether they are right for me or not. And while I explain my process, Qiang will jump in with her thoughts and ideas, whether she agrees or disagrees with my online dating secrets in the Philippines and SE Asia
Online dating process for the Philippines and SE Asia
Step One: Make online contacts. Play the numbers game. Send messages to at least 5 or 10 you are interested in. If you message 10 you will be lucky to meet 1 or 2 in person. Never put a profile up in a country more than 2 weeks before you arrive.
Step Two: Message back and forth by text. The first message should be about something in their profile. Stay positive and upbeat, light-hearted. No serious questions or relationship-sounding questions. Just easy peasy questions based upon things in common in their profile or things they like to do for fun. Don’t make it into an interview.
Step Three: Talk on the phone. After 5 to 25 messages back ad horth (step 2), say … “Hey, you sound great, do you want to talk on the phone tomorrow night at 8 pm for 20 minutes?” On the phone, keep it light hearted, friendly positive, and fun. No serious questions. Don’t interview them. End by saying, I will text you tomorrow. Text them tomorrow (don’t call) and ask them if they would like to meet for coffee in the next few days? “I enjoyed meeting you. Would you like to meet for coffee for about 30 minutes to see if we have a mutual attraction? We will meet for 30 minutes, go our separate ways, and text back later if we are both interested in meeting in person.” If you are not interested in talking on the phone before meeting in person, skip this step. But never message back and forth for more than 2 weeks if they are not willing to meet in person. Just say, I am interested in meeting in person now. I don’t want to invest more time in this until I know if we have a basic mutual attraction.
Step Four: Meet for 30 minutes for coffee. Same thing. Keep it light-hearted, fun, and positive. Mostly just small talk. You are just there to see if you are physically attracted to them enough to go on a first date. At the end of the 30-minute coffee chat, say, “Great meeting you, I will text soon. If we are both feeling like meeting in person, we can meet longer for dinner or something fun?” Text them the next day if you are interested in taking it to the next level.
Step Five: Meet for dinner or anything fun you can do together. I would still stay most light-hearted and fun, but start asking more questions about them so you can get to know them better. But stay away from really serious subjects on the first date. It is more about exploring each other’s personalities. How do you get along when you small talk.
Step Six: You are on your own now. Just be yourself. It will either work or not depending on whether or not you really enjoy each other’s company.
Pandemic Changes in Dating Rituals
Many people have started to add video calls into their online dating routines. If you decide to do this, you could either add this new step before Meeting for coffee or just replace the Meeting for coffee with a Video call.
Video Call: Hey, before we meet in person, why don’t we do a quick video call for 20 or 30 minutes? Do you have skype, zoom, face time, or any other video chat program? If not, just meet them for coffee.
My Dating Secret and Rules That Attract The Right Woman
Exaggerating and Lying: Many people are exaggerating who they are online or they are lying to you completely about one or more things they have said to you. Why does that matter you ask? It matters because they can string you along for weeks, months, and even years, and you might actually fall in love with a person that doesn’t even exist.
I promised to tell you about three women that taught me this. I was divorced in 2001 at the age of 41. I was too busy at work to get out of the office most nights until 8 or 9 at night. So I had a very limited time for finding new love in my life. So I put a few different online profiles up looking for a special woman that would fit into my busy lifestyle.
Three different women took me for emotional rides because I wasn’t following the above procedure I described to screen women before I spent any time or energy on them. Let me explain what happened quickly with each of the three women.
Woman 1: I met a beautiful woman online. She was beautiful. She had the kind of face that really turned me on, she had a beautiful body, and she was very witty in our online texts. She lived an hour south of where I was living and just never had time to meet. But she kept returning my texts and even told me I turned her on.
Problem Woman 1: We never met. Despite saying we were attracted to each other and only living about 1 hour apart, and sending hundreds of messages back and forth to each other, we never met. She was always too busy to meet in person even after I offered to drive to her town anytime she could meet. After about 6 months, I finally quit messaging her. The problem was that I was really into her but I never got to even meet her. She unintentionally taught me three lessons.
Rule 1: Communicating too long before meeting: Stop communicating with someone that is unwilling to meet you in person within 2 weeks of when you meet them online no matter how hot they are. Why? So you avoid wasting your time communicating with someone that is not really available to you. I build a rapport with her before asking to meet. But once you have a rapport and a basic interest in her, and she feels that way too, then meet within 2 weeks. If she keeps stalling, just tell her to let you know when she can meet. You are looking for an in-person relationship, not an online friend.
Rule 2: Geographic Undesirability: Do not put your profile up anywhere in the world until 2 weeks before you arrive. When your profile is fresh in a new town, you get the most online inquiries. If you communicate more than 2 weeks before arrival, you risk becoming overly focused on a person that is not really available to you.
Woman #2: I met a woman online and she seemed like a good fit. I followed rules 1 and 2 and we met in person about 7 days after we communicated online. We met at my favorite Italian place for dinner. We started chatting in person, and I immediately knew I was not into her. She spent the first 20 minutes talking about how much she hated her ex-boyfriend. Plus, her photos were at least 5 years and she looked nothing like them. But I had to sit through an entire meal with her while she talked about her ex and then politely walk her to her car. At her car, she grabbed me, pulled me in, and started kissing me deeply. That would have been great if I was into her, but I wasn’t. I felt like I wasted 2 hours of my life and she didn’t feel good about herself either when she realized the feeling wasn’t mutual.
Problem Woman 2: Don’t put yourself in a situation with a first meeting where you have to spend hours with someone you just met.
Rule 3: First meeting is just 30 minutes for a coffee. When setting up the first meeting, explain that “I am are looking for someone special where there is a basic mutual attraction between us.” “Can we meet for 30 minutes for coffee or tea before going on an official date?” If after the initial coffee, and going your separate ways, you can both agree on a first official date if there is mutual attraction.
Should Brett Do A Background Check Before Flying to The Philippines?
No. Brett is breaking all of my screening rules. I don’t get that emotionally attached to a woman before I meet her in person and determine if we have a mutual attraction. That is the formula for a broken heart.
Obviously, Brett can do whatever he wants. He is a grown man. But I never communicate with anyone until 2 weeks before I show up in their part of the world. Rule 1 and 2. I never communicate with someone far away from me unless I will be there in 2 weeks. Rule 2. I never spend money on someone until they have survived my 30 minutes in-person coffee meeting. In fact, I wouldn’t do any research or spend any money on them until after Step 5, the first real date. I have never done a background check on someone in my life, but if I did, it would be after I met them. I would never let someone get that far into my heart until I had a real in-person relationship with them.
Qiang mentioned in the above video that divorce is not legal in the Philippines. This link seems to support her position. Having a sexual relationship with a married woman is a crime in the Philippines. So do not do that until you you get a certificate of non-marriage. We discuss that briefly in this video.
Thanks for reviewing my report, Online dating secrets for the Philippines and SE Asia.
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This is Dan of Vagabond Awake, the Youtube channel for VagabondBuddha.com. Thank you for stopping by. The world is your home. What time will you be home for dinner?