Should I find the woman first or the place first for my Philippines retirement?
In one of the Expats Facebook groups in the Philippines, a man, I will call him Joe, asked for advice about moving to the Philippines and he received 174 replies in the first week. Joe explained that he will be traveling around the Philippines looking for his favorite budget paradise to retire. Joe will also be looking for a Filipina to spend the rest of his life with.
With those two main goals in mind, Joe asked the following question: Should I find my dream girl first or my favorite paradise location first?
I will paraphrase the advice Joe received on Facebook. Then, I will share my ideas about what I would do to increase my chances of finding both the right place to live and the best woman to live my second life in the Philippines?
Okay, here is a quick summary of the advice he received (in my words) from people that felt he should find paradise first. I have assembled the main ideas in the following six paragraphs. After sharing the main ideas in the advice he received, I will share what I would do if I was Joe going to the Philippines with these two goals in mind.
How do I know this process works? This process is the process I used to meet Qiang Hui. I met her in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia in 2016 and she started traveling with me in 2017. We have been together ever since. In fact, we are still slow traveling the world looking for our favorite place to retire cheap in paradise. Qiang is the woman you see in this video with me.
As you listen to the advice, it will likely occur to you, that this advice will work for you no matter where you decide to retire early for cheap in the world. Most of it applies whether you are a man or woman looking fr love outside your home country.
Should I find the woman first or the place first for my Philippines retirement?
Advice One: Thinking that you must find love first puts too much pressure on making a decision about each woman you meet. Better to let love happen naturally while you travel around looking for your favorite paradise location.
My thoughts on Advice One: I think this is good advice. When I was about 19 years old, I got dumped by my high school sweetheart. I missed the sex and companionship so I wanted a new girl right away. But I was having a difficult time finding a replacement. I found sex but I just wasn’t that into any of the girls I met. My mother, knowing my situation, offered some good advice. She said, “As soon as you quit looking for love, it will find you.” She was right. 6 months later, just when I had given up, love found me.
You see, when you are looking for love, you are not ready to find it yet. The stench of neediness keeps love at an arm’s distance from you.
Love is not something you put on your to-do list. If you come off as needing love, there will be a stench about you that pushes a quality woman away. I think this comment captures that idea when he says, “let love happen naturally” while you travel around and discover the Philippines. Just enjoy the process of meeting and dating and don’t worry or even think about whether each person you meet is the right one. Only time can answer that question. Logic and reason don’t apply in matters of love.
Advice Two: Find the place first. Filipinas love to travel and you can bring any interesting ones with you that you find along the way. If they are willing and able to travel with you, and you get along with them, and you eventually find the right place, you are more likely to have a woman with you that will be willing to live away from her family. Then, when you finally find your personal paradise in the Philippines, there is a good chance that someone that has traveled will be willing to relocate to your paradise location.
My thoughts on Advice Two. Expats in the Philippines will often suggest that you should not live too close to your Filipina’s family. The thinking is that if you are under the same roof with her family, or yours, it will have a tendency to stunt the romantic nature of your second life in the Philippines.
Call me selfish if you like, but I agree with this advice. I like significant alone time with my lover. So, I don’t think I would ever want to live with either of our parents. It is okay to love each other’s family and even spend time together during celebrations and family reunions, but once you are under the same roof with either of your parents or on the same street with either of your parents, the romantic nature of your second life in the Philippines is likely to be stunted.
Advice Three: Never look for love. Just enjoy the journey and let things happen naturally in finding paradise. Love will come knocking on its own schedule. Plus, you are less likely to break some woman’s heart if you explain your idea to each one that you are looking for happily ever after before you really know her well.
My thoughts on Advice Three: Falling deeply in love is a dance that we often find ourselves talking about after it has happened. But in truth, we don’t really understand completely why we fall in love with some people but not others. I like this advice, “Never look for love … Just enjoy the Journey.” Let the chips fall where they may.
This advice captures the idea that we don’t really know why we fall in love sometimes, but not other times. The act of looking for love has a hidden assumption in it that we know how to find love when there is almost no truth to that in reality. We stumble and fall into love, we don’t plan and execute a love strategy.
The best we can do is to be kind, generous, and honest with people that cross our path in life and let the chips fall where they may. If we let expectations for the dance of love cloud our perception of someone new, we will never really know who lives behind our expectations. We will be too busy comparing them to our expectations.
Advice Four: Don’t try to find a woman. Just go to the Philippines and get the feeling of life and culture. Women will find you. People you don’t even know will ask you where your girlfriend or wife is when they see you alone. When they hear you are single, they will try to introduce you to single women they know, family, friends, etc.
My thoughts on Advice Four: I like this advice too. “Get the feeling of the life and culture.” If you haven’t spent much time living outside your home country, this advice is imperative. You can watch all the videos you want, but until you have your feet on the ground, you will never really know if the Philippines are right for you.
Some people come here and leave after a few months or years. Travel around the Philippines also. The difference between various parts of the Philippines is huge. You should also visit a few other countries before deciding which one feels like home. This is really good advice.
It is also true that people will try to introduce Filipina women to you. The people are very friendly here. The secret key to unlocking your second life in the Philippines is your smile. Just smile at people in the Philippines and that will open more doors than you could ever walk through.
To supercharge your social life, just say, “Hello, how are you?” after you smile. The Philippines is full of very friendly happy people. Try it out, you will see what I mean. I went to school with Filipinos in the USA and they are just as friendly back there.
People who stay long-term in the Philippines fall in love with the lifestyle. There is no place in the world that is perfect. But a lifestyle that feels compatible with you should play a big factor in where you choose to live.
Things will feel different to you no matter where you go in the world outside your home country. But if the culture and pace of a country feels right to you, the differences from home won’t bother you so much. But it will take time for you to know if a new country feels right to you. I have a report on the four emotional stages of moving to a new country.
I will suggest a process you can use in a moment to get the feeling of a new place. You must understand the feeling before you put down roots. You should also compare the feeling you have for multiple countries before putting down roots. I will explain how to do that in a moment.
Advice Five: Find where you want to live first. If you find a woman online she can come to visit you or you can go visit her. The fact that she is willing to travel to you will probably mean you have found one that is willing to live away from her family in another part of the Philippines.
My thoughts on Advice Five: This one also makes some sense. If she is willing to travel to meet you then it is possible that she will move to your neck of the woods where you may have more romantic time alone together and fewer distractions from family and friends.
To this advice, I would just add that you may need to travel to her first so she knows you are really interested before she is willing to travel to you. If you have more money and resources than her, and she is a great person, this will likely be worth it to you. Depending on her job and financial capability, you may need to help pay for her travels to see you.
Okay, now I will share my process …
How to Find the Most Beautiful Woman and Most Beautiful Place For Your Second Life
Here is what I would do to find both the best place and the best woman for me in the Philippines. But this advice is good no matter where you want to retire in the world. I will first share the process I would use to find the best woman and place, and then I will give you a few dating tips for first dating meetings.
Step One. Pick two or more countries you are most interested in for starting your second life. There are a number of resources online to help you shortlist the countries with the amenities and cost of living that match your second life. There are a number of resources online to shortlist your favorites. Here is my favorite resource for picking your favorite countries, but I am biased because I created these resources. There are links to resources below. I would pick an order to visit these countries that results in the lowest travel costs, whether by land, air, or sea. I have a report on how to do that also.
Step Two. I would shortlist my favorite places in each of the countries I intend to visit. You have to decide, do you want to live in mountains, on the beach, in rural areas, or in cities. Then I would create a path through the top 5 or 10 places in the first country. Then I would slowly travel through those places with the lowest travel costs possible. I would stay in each place as long as I needed, whether a few weeks or months, until I really got the feel for it. While I was visiting each place, I would meet women that live in and around that area. Here is how I would find them.
Step Three: I would join several online dating sites, and I would put my dating profile up in each destination 2 weeks before my arrival. That would give me time to chat with a few women before I arrive. Then I would meet the most interesting ones at each destination when I arrived. Here is my report on dating online in SE Asia. I wouldn’t put my profile up any earlier than 2 weeks before arrival as I explain in that report. I also have a report on meeting women the old-fashioned way.
Step Four: Slowly move forward with your travel plans getting to know how you feel about the country. Eventually, you will find yourself thinking about a woman you met a few weeks or a few months ago. Ask them to come to spend a week somewhere you are currently exploring so you can get to know her better. Don’t push, just let things happen naturally. Eventually, love is a problem that solves itself.
Do Not Interview Women for a Job
I already have several reports up that teach about online dating and traditional dating around the world. In fact, I met Qiang dating online on Tinder. And we both have videos with dating tips. But one of the mistakes men make in dating online is talking too much and not listening. Interviewing her or talking about yourself the whole time will ruin your chances with her. Just have a light-hearted and fun chat with her. Get to know her with small talk.
I would include information in my dating profile about how I was traveling to find the best place to live in that country. And that ultimately, I hoped to find a woman that would be willing to live in the most beautiful part of the country with me. But that I was not trying to force love on any time schedule but was willing to let it happen naturally.
But when I first meet a woman in person that I met online, I would not restate anything I wrote in my online profile, unless she asked specifically. Once you are face to face with a person, the main goal is to get to know her in a very casual, non-threatening way.
Get her to talk about herself by asking more casual questions. I discuss this in more detail in other reports, but the main thing is to get her talking about things she enjoys doing in life. Stay away from asking for detailed information about her love life or what she is looking for in new love, and don’t share that about yourself either. And definitely don’t start talking about your ex-girlfriend or her ex-boyfriend. All of that is too serious for the first meeting in my opinion.
Plus, it makes you sound needy. She hasn’t even decided if she is into you yet, so why would she want to discuss what went wrong with her ex or what she is looking for in a new love? She needs to enjoy your company before she starts thinking of you in that way. More on all of that in other reports linked below.
The truth is there are many places I would love to settle down in paradise. But, in my case, I found the beautiful woman first. Honestly, I believe you can find a woman fairy easily all over SE Asia. But finding the right woman is a little more difficult.
Yes, there are beautiful women all over the world, but finding the right woman, that is not only beautiful but has the same ideas about life as you, is not all that easy. So it is better to chill out and enjoy life and let love find you naturally. And, as you enjoy life, you can search for the best place to retire cheap in paradise.
Thanks for reviewing my thoughts on Should I find the woman first or the place first for my Philippines retirement?
Make sure to grab a free copy of my eBook, How I fired my boss and traveled the world for 15 years. And while you are there, check out the catalog of over 100 reports on how to find the best woman and place for your second life.
This is Dan of Vagabond Awake, the Youtube channel for VagabondBuddha.com. The world is your home. What time will you be home for dinner?