In this report, I share why life sucks when you first move overseas. Just knowing this is normal before you move overseas, can help get you through this difficult period of time and increase your chances of ultimately loving living overseas.
Whereas, if you don’t know about this, or what to do about it, you could think there is something wrong with you. You could get depressed and stay depressed living overseas.
Most people go through 4 emotional phases when they move overseas. I will explain the stages to you and then I will give you some tips and tricks that may reduce your frustrations and give you a softer landing in your new life.
You are probably wondering why I feel qualified to talk about moving overseas. I left the USA over 16 years ago. I only visit the USA now, but I have never moved back. I have lived in and visited 67 countries so far.
I was 47 years old when I moved to the other side of the planet. I had dreamed of seeing the world my entire life. I was highly motivated. I had a really good time at first. But after the first few months, my dreams had turned into a bit of a nightmare.
Starting around the 3rd month, I went through a period where I thought the way they did everything on the other side of the world was upside down. I began to doubt the wisdom of my choice to leave the good old USA.
Everything over there started to feel really awkward to me and that awkwardness lasted for about 6 months. It felt like everything I had learned about life back home was not helping me. Like I was trying to swim in the ocean in a 3-piece business suit.
But I had promised myself that I would stick it out for 2 years no matter what. So I struggled for about 6 months before I started to feel like my old self again. And, by the end of the first year, I felt like I was really having a great time over there. Around the beginning of the second year, I knew I would never move back home. Instead of going home, I wanted to move forward seeing more of the world.
Once I was feeling great, I ended up at a party with a bunch of employees that were working at the US embassy overseas. One of the newer employees was complaining about how hard it is to be away from home. An older employee explained that her awkwardness is probably temporary.
Why Life Sucks When You First Move Overseas
Almost everyone experiences that frustration in their first overseas assignment. In fact, the US State Department teaches overseas employees this phenomenon before they are allowed to fly overseas. They call this frustration, the “Cultural Adaptation Curve.”
Recently, one of you reminded me of this concept and sent me this link to the US State Department slides on this subject. As shown in the slides, when people first move overseas, they often go through four emotional phases.
The four phases include the Honeymoon Phase, the Frustration Phase, the Adaptation Phase, and the Re-Entry Phase. I will briefly talk about all four phases and then discuss ideas about how to reduce your frustration.
If you learn about this before you move overseas, you will increase your chances of success. You will understand that you are supposed to be feeling this way. After the four phases, I will share ideas about how to accelerate your cultural adaptation.
Honeymoon Phase: The first phase is called the Honeymoon Phase. When you first arrive, everything is exciting, fun, and fascinating. You feel lucky to be able to travel around the world and learn about a new country. You are excited.
Frustration Phase: Once the honeymoon is over, you may go through a phase where you are frustrated because you can no longer get your home foods, you don’t know where to buy things, you can’t find your favorite products and brands, the locals don’t seem to know how to make things right, and you just wish you could drive down the street and get all of your normal everyday foods and conveniences from home.
The length of this frustration period varies substantially depending on the size of the canyon between your home culture and the new culture. Cultural differences such as language, music, food, traditions, clothing, and other mannerisms, can feel insurmountable to you during this time.
The frustration phase is when many people living outside their home country will start hanging out with people of similar cultures. They find themselves talking about what is wrong with the country where they are living. Many ex-pats clubs and organizations seem to be a hotbed of frustrations.
You can confirm this just by listening to what they are talking about. Why don’t they understand how to run a country here? How hard can it be to learn how to do things the right way? If I did my job like them at home, I would get fired! Why don’t these people know how to act?
Ex-pat Circles Are a Hotbed of Frustration
Hanging out with frustrated ex-pats and talking like this, is a sure-fire way to multiply your frustrations. You will end up going home early before you can ever learn how beautiful the world really is. This is like pulling the emergency brake on your cultural adaptation.
But if you can hang in there long enough and get through this period, you are very likely to enter the next phase of your adventure.
Adaptation and Acceptance Phase: If, instead of going deeper into the frustration phase with other ex-pats, if you can instead become more interested in learning about the new culture, the foods, and getting to know the locals around you, you will naturally begin to accept the cultural nuances and beauty of life around you.
Adaptation and acceptance become possible through your natural curiosity. When your curiosity about the world grows, and you learn about the world and people around you, you will be on the right course to living happily overseas.
Another way I like to talk about this is, once you become a student of the new world instead of a teacher of why the old world is better, then you are on the way to authentic happiness.
Acceptance of how things actually are around you along with an added natural curiosity, along with the spice of local friendships, are the keys to living happily almost anywhere in the world.
Re-Entry Phase: The re-entry phase is what happens when you try to go home after living overseas for a few years. You see, some of us hold a romantic fantasy about how perfect our home country is.
But when we try to re-enter our home country, we are frustrated again. We are surprised to watch our romantic fantasy get shattered when we try to go home. Most of us only last a few months before we are ready to start another adventure.
People we have not seen in years are talking about the same things and living exactly the same way they were when we left a few years ago. We sincerely love them but we see the world through a broader lens now.
It is almost like we were having dinner with them 2 or 3 years ago, we excused ourselves to go to the bathroom, but instead, we moved to a foreign country for a few years. But when we return, it is like they are still sitting at the same dinner table almost completing the same sentence.
You might feel like it doesn’t matter whether you left 10 minutes ago or 3 years. You may wonder … if I leave for 5 years would I miss anything?
So, after 1 or 2 months when I first returned home to visit I wanted to travel again. Instead of bathing in the familiarity of the fantasy of my home, I was craving the life I left in a foreign country. I began to fantasize about other countries and I bought another ticket to another country.
So, upon our first re-entry into our home country, many of us decide to become permanent world travelers.
Tips and Tricks to Reduce Your Frustration
Now I will explain ideas about how to reduce the chances you will go home during the frustration phase, but first, I want to explain the purpose of my channel.
I have visited or lived in 67 countries over the last 16 years. I have over 200 reports that teach people how I retired early cheap overseas and how I make money online as I travel the world. Click the link in the notes below this video to get my free eBook, How I Fired My Boss and Traveled the World for 15+ Years.
Six Things to Reduce Overseas Frustration
Okay, here are six things you can do to reduce your frustration when moving overseas. I will list these in reverse order with my best ideas last.
Study the culture, religion, language, and history: Read about where you are in the world. The internet is full of information. Learn about the culture, traditions, language, and history. Almost every country has its version of George Washington and its founding fathers. Yes, you may be living on a street named after them.
Notice cultural differences around you and research why they are that way. What do cultural symbols, colors, architecture, historical heroes, and holidays mean? Knowing about the culture will give you a greater appreciation for the people there. They are as proud of their heritage as you were as a kid growing up in your country.
Learn how to cook the local foods: As new ex-pats, many of us try to find the foods we used to eat in our home country. That will be very frustrating in most of the world. No matter where you live overseas, the food will rarely be like home. So it will be endlessly frustrating trying to eat your favorite comfort foods from home and being disappointed over and over again.
Instead, learn about the local famous foods and ingredients. You will almost always find some new flavors you actually like that taste nothing like home.
Food exploration can be the moment your life turns from “not as good as home” into “surprises you can’t get at home.” Learn how to cook the foods, where to buy the ingredients and the best local cooks in your sphere of influence. Now you have stories you can tell about the new world.
Make locals friends: Take them to lunch. Have them take you to their favorite restaurants. Ask them how they get specific problems solved. Ask them to explain local traditions and holidays. If you can get invited to a local wedding … go! Learn about the local foods and ask your local friends, if they know any great cooks. Invite them over to teach you how to cook the local meals. Volunteer at a charity facilitated by locals. Find local classes, on cooking, exercise, hiking, or any other local activities. Once you have local friends, you will start to see the people and their culture more warmly. Also, read my report, The Top 10 Mistakes New Expats Make.
Here are my top three best suggestion for reducing frustration while you adapt to international living.
Increase the Honeymoon Phase: Here are two ways to increase the length of the honeymoon phase. If you can increase the length of the honeymoon phase with either of these two tricks, your frustration phase will be shorter and will not be as emotionally challenging for you in my opinion.
Increase in Country Excursions: Every other weekend or so, at least once a month, go on a one or two-day excursion in your new country. Do a little research about the place you are going to visit. Research the people places and events that made that place famous locally. Do the research before you go. Then hire a local guide for a few hours that can tour you around and answer questions about what you learned. This additional knowledge and experience in your new country will reduce your frustrations and help integrate you into the new culture. But what if you have the freedom to travel with almost no limitations?
The Slow Travel Lifestyle: By traveling to new places every few weeks or months, whether, in the same country or other countries, we seem to stay in the honeymoon phase. It may not be as expensive as you think. Plus, I never seem to suffer the frustration phase for more than a few days now. I am including a link to more details about how to save money as you slowly move forward traveling the world in case you are interested. Slow Travel World Highway.
Thanks for reviewing my report, why life sucks when you first move overseas.
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This is Dan of Vagabond Awake, the Youtube Channel for VagabondBuddha.com. The world is your home, what time will you be home for dinner?